in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
