the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
