a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
