dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
