they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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