Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
