this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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