How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
