Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
