I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
