this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize