Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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