I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
