I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
