it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
