The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
