there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize