Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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