that's an acceptable place to lick
high people should be assigned attendants
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
