note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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