We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
