SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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