Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
