Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She told me I should be a condom model.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
