I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
