Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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