I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
