please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
