I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
why is half of my head shaved?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
