I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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