she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
