I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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