Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
