I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
