Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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