I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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