Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize