I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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