Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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