Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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