i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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