My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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