Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Im part way to drunk.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
