I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
