I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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