anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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