you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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