i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
