Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
