He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize