sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
