Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
