In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
