He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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