i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
