I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
