Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
