There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
