The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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