Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
