Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize