I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
