i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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