Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh god it's open bar.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
