That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
