she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize