I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
