your room smells of hookers.
And success
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Life is so much better after having sex.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
