there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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