he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
