i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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