I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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