how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
