seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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