btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've blown a few things in my day
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
